Evil Robot Santa

I saw this at a craft fair my mum was running and I couldn't decide whether I really liked it or whether it was horrible. At £1.50 I reckoned that I could risk it. It's since grown on me a lot and has pride of place on our mantelpiece. Although I do still think it's a bit scary - especially when you wind it up and it shuffles along ringing its bell like the clanging chimes of doom.

I was watching Kirsty from Location, Location, Location's christmas programme (basically just lifestyle porn pictures of her beautiful house all christmassy). It was the most ridiculous programme ever: "Glass baubles can be expensive, why not blow your own with some help from your local glassblower?" Err...no. Anyway, she had my santa in her toy room (although it clearly states on the back that it is not a toy but for "adult collectors"). Yay! He's not a bit weird and scary after all, he's the height of style and good taste, bless him!

Smug face

I like George Clooney. Not in a drooling way, but he's made some good films (both blockbusters and smaller films) and in interviews he seems to come across as a nice guy with a sense of humour who doesn't take himself too seriously. And yet, he is now the star of the smuggest advertisement ever to have befouled my commute to work and I just want to punch his smirking face every time I see it.

Polar bears

What do you think of when you think of polar bears? What do you think of when you think of polar bears not surrounded by snow and ice? For me, it makes me think about climate change. And yet the Canary Islands think that a picture of a polar bear on a beach is the way to encourage people to book flights there.

I mean, if it was a guy dressed as an eskimo or even a penguin then it wouldn't be so bad, but polar bears are practically the poster boys for climate change for goodness' sake!

The advert appeared on page 35 of the Metro, and on page 5 was the story about the real polar bears.

Short story

I was reading the Evening Standard the other day (I know, I know, but it is free these days and therefore littering every train carriage so it's hard to avoid) and there was a problem page where a reader found it difficult to approach women. Part of the advice was to pursue women whom he genuinely found attractive, rather then trying to bolster his confidence by approaching "the shortest, fattest, ugliest woman in the room".

At barely over 5 foot, I have to say I was surprised and not too flattered to see "short" in there right next to fat and ugly. Is being little really such a turn-off? I mean, some men like leggy women certainly, and of course models generally have to be tall to show off the clothes to their best advantage. But if you look at other female celebrities who are generally considered to be beautiful, then they are all different heights and plenty of short women are drop-dead gorgeous - Kylie Minogue springs to mind, and celebheights.com (yes really) informs me that Shakira, Eva Longoria and Cheryl Cole are all shortarses too.

I've never felt that being short makes me unattractive (not that I'm very good looking, but I don't think it's my height that's holding me back). I would take a census among my male friends, but if I ask the question then they're hardly likely to feel able to be completely honest.

Whoever is making money off this is a genius

Christmas wouldn't be complete without - an advent calendar for your dog?

Remember that Apprentice episode when the teams had to come up with a new pet product? If they'd said doggie (and there's a version for cats too) advent calendars, I can only imagine the Margaret's eyebrows would have hit the roof, Nick would have scoffed goodnaturedly and Surralan would have huffed and puffed in exasperated fashion. And yet someone somehere has designed, produced and marketed these and presumably there are enough people buying them to make some profit. It could be a multi million pound industry for all I know. I suppose it's no more pointless or crappy than the usual pointless crap that people buy, so good on the guys that have made a business out of it.

Have a Happy (TM) Christmas

Coca-cola appear to have trademarked the word happiness. So have a mirthful, joyous, jolly, merry, cheerful Christmas and New Year.

A Cryptic Christmas

Especially for Jo, some seasonal crossword clues:

Londoner watches with these treats. (5,4)

Lunatic stole item for parasite (9)

It goes backwards and forwards inside service of Jesus' birth (8)

You can get a bit of it in Selfridges to decorate your tree (6)

A nut wants one to put on a show, or just to make a bang (7)

Check sweetheart heard delivery vehicle (8)

First heat charms in a mull for generous donor (6,9)

Joker's greeting (4)