Relocation

Some people have said that they haven't been able to leave comments, so I'm moving the blog to beetchawawa.wordpress.com in the hope that it will be more user-friendly. See you there.

Christmas Carols

I saw this item on BBC breakfast about the nation's top 5 Christmas carols, as voted for by listeners of Classic FM.

1. O Holy Night
2. Silent Night
3. In the Bleak Mid Winter (Darke)
4. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
5. In the Bleak Mid Winter (Holst)

Far be it from me to question the collective wisdom of Classic FM listeners, but aren't these all...well, a bit shit? I'm a damned heathen but I love belting out a good carol at this time of year and none of these would make my top 5 (Hark the Herald is ok, but the rest - pffft). My top 5 are:

1. Deck the Halls (fa la la la)
2. O Come All Ye Faithful
3. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
4. Joy to the World
5. Ding Dong Merrily on High

SNOW!!!

It was all lovely and snowy on the Heath on Friday, enough for a snowball fight. But not enough to stop me having to go to work - boo!

Festive Top 5

What are your top 5 favourite things about Christmas? I love:

1. Making a list (actually a colour-coded excel spreadsheet) of people to get presents for in about September and gradually ticking everyone off. I'm normally finished a couple of weeks before Christmas so I can then feel super smug. I don't know what comes over me - I usually hate shopping and I've literally never been this organised about anything else in my life.

2. Getting the Christmas tree - my mum and dad have a tradition where they don't get their tree until late afternoon Christmas Eve when everyone is shutting up shop. There's an element of danger as it's sometimes difficult to find one by that stage. And also my Dad sees it as a challenge to either get one free or for next to nothing, as people are normally just giving them away by that time.

Now I do like the fun and tradition of getting one at the last minute, but I also like looking at my tree and it smelling all christmassy. So now I have the best of both worlds. I get my tree a couple of weeks before xmas and then I go round to my mum and dad's on Christmas Eve to help them do theirs.



3. The Doctor Who Christmas Special - love Doctor Who all year round. In fact I think it might be my favourite TV programme of all time. The Christmas special is a little treat to keep me going between series. I'm sure the new Doctor is going to be great - looking forward to seeing what happens to David Tennant. I'll probably have a little cry, I'm a real sucker for things like that.

4. Opening my stocking - I'm 27 and have always had a stocking. Thanks Father Christmas!

5. Mulled wine - I'm teetotal the rest of the year but I love mulled wine. When I make my own, I make it to my taste - i.e. sweet and weak and not too wine-y. Here's my recipe:

2 bottles cheap red wine
1 carton of orange juice
1 clementine studded with cloves
2 cinnamon sticks
1 lump of root ginger about size of thumb, peeled
Sugar to taste

Heat heat heat, stir stir stir, yum yum yum.

Mr Beet's top 5

1. Ham (We cook it on Christmas Eve for Christmas morning breakfast, but he usually sneaks a cheeky slice on the way home from midnight mass)

2. Christmas tree smell and getting the house all christmassy

3. Boxes of biscuits

4. Christmas dinner / boxing day buffet

5. New clothes to wear on christmas day - usually socks that are too big.

Stephen and the Sexy Partridge

I have to declare an interest here, as my friend Sarah is the stage manager, but this is the funniest, silliest, most christmassy show you'll see. Stephen has pissed off his girlfriend and needs to make it up to her by getting a brilliant Christmas present. The Sexy Partridge is an alien superhero, dispatched to help him on his quest. It's based on the 12 days of Christmas, so on the way they meet French hens, milk maids and Lords (including Vader, Mandelson and Byron) a leaping.

The theatre is tiny and it really feels like it's a group of your mates putting on a show for you in your front room. I have to specially mention the music - which is fabulous and I don't normally notice things like that.

I've seen the show two years running and would happily go and see it every Christmas.

Florida Challenges - the Results

My friend Jo and I have both recently been on holiday to Florida and decided to have a bit of friendly competition and set ourselves some challenges

A test of character - Jo kicked my arse on this one with 58 characters v. my 33. I wasted the first couple of days as I was too embarrassed to approach the characters, but after the first few I was completely shameless. Jo and I both agree that Wolverine at Islands of Adventure was weirdly over-friendly.





A test of nerve - I had stopped screaming and was making an effort to smile in my photo (notice the empty seat beside me - Mr Beet couldn't even be persuaded to go on the ride), but Jo just took it to another level. A worthy winner.





A test of guts - Lucy (independent arbitrator) has ruled my food photos (meat loaf and key lime pie) more worthy than Jo's efforts (weird junk food). Yay! A little pride salvaged.

Evil Robot Santa

I saw this at a craft fair my mum was running and I couldn't decide whether I really liked it or whether it was horrible. At £1.50 I reckoned that I could risk it. It's since grown on me a lot and has pride of place on our mantelpiece. Although I do still think it's a bit scary - especially when you wind it up and it shuffles along ringing its bell like the clanging chimes of doom.

I was watching Kirsty from Location, Location, Location's christmas programme (basically just lifestyle porn pictures of her beautiful house all christmassy). It was the most ridiculous programme ever: "Glass baubles can be expensive, why not blow your own with some help from your local glassblower?" Err...no. Anyway, she had my santa in her toy room (although it clearly states on the back that it is not a toy but for "adult collectors"). Yay! He's not a bit weird and scary after all, he's the height of style and good taste, bless him!

Smug face

I like George Clooney. Not in a drooling way, but he's made some good films (both blockbusters and smaller films) and in interviews he seems to come across as a nice guy with a sense of humour who doesn't take himself too seriously. And yet, he is now the star of the smuggest advertisement ever to have befouled my commute to work and I just want to punch his smirking face every time I see it.

Polar bears

What do you think of when you think of polar bears? What do you think of when you think of polar bears not surrounded by snow and ice? For me, it makes me think about climate change. And yet the Canary Islands think that a picture of a polar bear on a beach is the way to encourage people to book flights there.

I mean, if it was a guy dressed as an eskimo or even a penguin then it wouldn't be so bad, but polar bears are practically the poster boys for climate change for goodness' sake!

The advert appeared on page 35 of the Metro, and on page 5 was the story about the real polar bears.

Short story

I was reading the Evening Standard the other day (I know, I know, but it is free these days and therefore littering every train carriage so it's hard to avoid) and there was a problem page where a reader found it difficult to approach women. Part of the advice was to pursue women whom he genuinely found attractive, rather then trying to bolster his confidence by approaching "the shortest, fattest, ugliest woman in the room".

At barely over 5 foot, I have to say I was surprised and not too flattered to see "short" in there right next to fat and ugly. Is being little really such a turn-off? I mean, some men like leggy women certainly, and of course models generally have to be tall to show off the clothes to their best advantage. But if you look at other female celebrities who are generally considered to be beautiful, then they are all different heights and plenty of short women are drop-dead gorgeous - Kylie Minogue springs to mind, and celebheights.com (yes really) informs me that Shakira, Eva Longoria and Cheryl Cole are all shortarses too.

I've never felt that being short makes me unattractive (not that I'm very good looking, but I don't think it's my height that's holding me back). I would take a census among my male friends, but if I ask the question then they're hardly likely to feel able to be completely honest.

Whoever is making money off this is a genius

Christmas wouldn't be complete without - an advent calendar for your dog?

Remember that Apprentice episode when the teams had to come up with a new pet product? If they'd said doggie (and there's a version for cats too) advent calendars, I can only imagine the Margaret's eyebrows would have hit the roof, Nick would have scoffed goodnaturedly and Surralan would have huffed and puffed in exasperated fashion. And yet someone somehere has designed, produced and marketed these and presumably there are enough people buying them to make some profit. It could be a multi million pound industry for all I know. I suppose it's no more pointless or crappy than the usual pointless crap that people buy, so good on the guys that have made a business out of it.

Have a Happy (TM) Christmas

Coca-cola appear to have trademarked the word happiness. So have a mirthful, joyous, jolly, merry, cheerful Christmas and New Year.

A Cryptic Christmas

Especially for Jo, some seasonal crossword clues:

Londoner watches with these treats. (5,4)

Lunatic stole item for parasite (9)

It goes backwards and forwards inside service of Jesus' birth (8)

You can get a bit of it in Selfridges to decorate your tree (6)

A nut wants one to put on a show, or just to make a bang (7)

Check sweetheart heard delivery vehicle (8)

First heat charms in a mull for generous donor (6,9)

Joker's greeting (4)

Bee-Chihuahuas

Since my alias for this blog is Beetchawawa (which, as any fool knows, is the sound that a surprised Ewok makes) I spent some time recently constructing a profile pic by amalgamating photo of a bee and a photo of a chihuahua. The results, as you can see, were not massively impressive.

Anyway, I needn't have wasted my time. I should have realised that there are people in the world who have already done the work for me and dressed up their chihuahuas as bees.

Ta-da!







Thanks to ermm... Jo again actually for finding these photos.

Florida Challenges

I'm off on my hols soon, and venturing outside Europe for the first time to go to Florida. What could be better than sunshine and rollercoasters? Well, sunshine and rollercoasters PLUS a bit of friendly competition.

My friend Jo* is also going to Florida a couple of weeks after me (she got so envious when I was telling her about my holiday plans that she promptly booked herself a flight). So we thought we'd spice things up by setting ourselves some challenges.

Challenge 1 - a Test of Character

How many photos can you get of yourself with theme park characters?

Rules - not just Disney characters, but anyone dressed up in a silly constume will do. You must be posing with the character (i.e. just sneaking up and getting a photo next to them doesn't count).

Challenge 2 - a Test of Nerve

Who can come back with a rollercoaster photo in which they look the most composed?

Rules - We have nominated that a shortlist of rollercoasters for this - it's got to be a scary one! You only get one ride and you must purchase and display the official rollercoaster photo no matter how embarrassing.

Challenge 3 - a Test of Guts

Who can order the most American sounding meal?

Rules - You must also consume the whole meal - photo evidence of a clean plate required. It can be more than one course, and beverages will also be taken into consideration. While "Americanism" is somewhat subjective, consideration will be given to:

How traditionally American it sounds - i.e. pumpkin pie etc
How exotic it is - i.e. a big mac is pretty American but we have that here so not so interesting. Ideally, it will be something you can't get over here and are not entirely sure what it is.
Portion size - the bigger the better
Presentation and ambience of restaurant

*I realise that I have now mentioned Jo twice in this blog and have never mentioned anyone else. I do have other friends, honest!

For the results click here

Fitness Trails

I recently did the London Rat Race, which involved running between various obstacles or challenges around London. It was really good fun, and thinking ahead to next year I thought that a good way to train for the race would be one of those old-school fitness trails. You know the ones, you sometimes see them in parks where they have different pieces of equipment spread along a route. I've never actually seen anyone using one, so I think they're a bit unfashionable these days.

Anyway, as for most things in life I turned to google for the answer of where my nearest fitness trail was. But I couldn't find any list of locations, just the occasional reference to a fitness trail here and there. There was someone on the Runner's World forum having the same problem. So I decided to put together a list of fitness trails in London.

I should point out that I have never actually used one of these fitness trails so I am in no way an expert. And the map is pieced together from bits of information here and there, so there may well be inaccuracies and some of the locations might be red herrings. I plan to go and check out some of them in due course, but in the mean time if you have any info then leave a comment and I will update the map.


View Fitness Trails in a larger map

Lawyer in Massive Ego Shocker

I read this article in the Guardian today, about the influence people's names have over their choices:

"People called Dennis are – I'm serious – over-represented among dentists, while the same goes for lawyers named Larry or Lauren. What's at work here, researchers speculate, is "implicit egotism", the idea that our preferences and outlook are shaped, much more subtly than we realise, by our attraction to things and people that are in some way like ourselves."

As a lawyer called Lauren I'm wondering whether I am (a) a massive egotist or (b) just highly suggestible.

Probably a bit of both.

Jesus comes to Niketown

Saw this on my way to work this morning. It was a bit chilly for a loincloth really.

Cryptic Crossword Tips

I was recently doing a crossword and my friend Jo took an interest so I was explaining it to her. She went from complete confusion to getting clues before I did within a weekend, but you do need someone to explain how it all works to get you going. So this is a beginner’s guide.

In some ways cryptic clues can be easier than straight clues because you often get two clues. A standard clue usually has a word or phrase that is a synonym for the answer (which is usually right at the start or the end) and then the rest of the clue somehow breaks down the letters of the answer. For example*;

Puzzle is about king’s big weapon = crossword

Puzzle = this is the whole thing i.e. crossword

About = C for circa

King = R for Rex

Big = OS meaning outsized

Weapon = SWORD

Different Types of Clue

(1) Anagrams

Lots of words that mean anagram: mixed, funny, confused, developed, changed, moved, dancing etc

e.g. Italian food mixed with unknown spice (6)

(2) First Letter / last letter / middle letters / alternate letters

eg Head / initial / opener for first letter

Ultimate for last letter

Heart / middle for the middle letters

Odd or even for alernate letters

Extremes for first and last letters

e.g. Even-handed Queen turned out to be a snake (5)

(3) Shortened

Words like cropped / curtailed often means chop a letter or two off a word

e.g. Beheaded ladies are a bad sign (4)

(4) Backwards

Words like back, on its head etc means spell the word backwards

e.g. People to call if car is on its roof (3)

(5) Inside

Words like in / around – often means you put one part of the clue inside another part.

e.g. Young enthusiast embraces own heart (4)

(6) Spelled out

Sometimes the whole answer appears hidden in the clue, often spread across two words

e.g. Get the gist from staring at her (6)

(7) Sounds like

Words such as said or hear are clues for this

e.g. I’ll say it’s a passageway (5)

(8) References to other clues

Sometimes it’ll refer to another clue that you may or may not have already got, it’ll put the number in as a number rather than spelled out.

e.g. 4 in Belgium for two (5)

(9) Groaners

These are ones which people who don’t understand cryptic crosswords would understand - you don’t break it down, but the whole thing means something that’s not immediately obvious and when you realise the answer you groan!

e.g. A stiff examination (7)

Common “Components” – short bits that go together into a longer answer

· Abbreviations – loads and loads of these, anything that’s a measurement like T for time, M for mass, L/R for left/right,

· King, Queen, Knight etc – King or queen are often R or ER, knight can be sir, or the chess abbreviations – K, Q, N (for knight) etc

· Point / pole / direction – can mean North, South etc – N, S etc – or if it refers to partners or pairs it can mean bridge partners with is N and S or E and W

· Musical notation – quiet could be P for piano, loud could be F

· Genealogical abbreviations – like m for married, d for died

· Female / Woman / Lady / Girl – can be she or her or F, or a female animal like hen or ewe, or a woman’s name, same for men.

· Revolutionary – red , Che (or it could be an anagram word)

· Ancient City – Ur (only ever heard of this in crosswords!)

· Note – NB, or doh ray mi etc, or A B C etc

· Periodic elements – Gold is Au etc

· Roman numerals – so two can be ii, ten can be x etc

· Unknown – usually means an unknown in algebra so x, y or z

· Sailor – AB or tar

· Doctor – Dr, MO, or MD

· Scholar / Master – MA, MSc etc

· Artist – RA

· Information – gen

· Firm or company – co

· Journalist – ed or hack

· About – c for circa, or re, or sometimes it means anagram, or putting a word around another word. Helpful.

· Article – a, an or the

· See – often means see as in bishopric like Ely

· Hesitation – um or er

· Sex appeal – it

· Love – o like in tennis

· The French – le or la, and other short words like “a” or “of” are un, une, de, du, etc. same for other languages.

· Flower – can sometimes just mean a type of flower, but sneakily sometimes mean flow-er i.e. a river. Often a river with a very short name like Ex or Po, or just R for river.

· Posh – means U and not posh is non-U

· Big – OS for outsize

Obviously there are loads of similar things, but these are common ones, and they give you the idea so that you can spot different ones.

Getting Started

I always look for clues with more than one word in the answer as those tend to be easier. Failing that, I look at the clues where the answer is only three or four letters long. If that doesn’t get me anywhere, I have a quick scan through to see if I can spot any anagram words. Once you’ve got one clue, you’ll have some letters to help you get started on the others.

Answers

(1) Pizazz

Italian food (pizza) mixed (anagram) with unknown (z) spice (pizazz)

(2) Adder

Even-hAnDeD (the 2^nd, 4^th and 6^th letters of handed = add) Queen (ER) turns into snake (adder)

(3) Omen

Beaheaded ladies (women – with the first letter chopped off) are a bad sign (omen)

(4) RAC

People to call if car is on its roof (car spelled backwards = RAC)

(5) Fawn

Young (fawn is a young animal) enthusiast (fan) embraces (goes around) own heart (w – middle letter of own)

(6) Gather

Get the gist (gather) from starinG AT HER

(7) Aisle

I’ll say (sounds like I’ll) it’s a passageway (aisle)

(8) Brace

4 (RAC) in Belgium (BE) for two (Brace)

(9) Autopsy

* I didn’t want to nick clues, so I’ve made these ones up myself (apart from 9). So they’re pretty clunky – real crossword clues are better!